I flew to Madison, Wisconsin this past Friday. For a wedding, not the anti-governor rally, though it was way cool to feel like I was a part of that even though I wasn’t. I have no problem with fraudulent feelings. Anyway, I’ve known about this upcoming trip for months and all I’ve thought about during that time was one thing: flying. I’m not a fan. I hate it. I have a ridiculously irrational fear that I won’t describe so I don’t plant the seed in any of you because no one should feel this overwhelming fear besides me. It’s really bad. I try to get over it by watching calming videos, taking fear numbing Xanax, breathing exercises, self hypnosis, appealing to my limited intellect. None of it works. But I will say that I don’t let it get in the way of me actually getting on the plane. I had to go to this wedding. I wanted to, and refused to let the fear prevent me. But it takes its toll, especially in the weeks leading up to the flight.
And now for the point of this story. While cruising at 40,000 feet (just writing THAT makes me sweat) and looking like a mad man as I open and shut the window, breathe like I’m giving birth and talk out loud to myself like I’m Sybil (sorry person sitting next to me), I had what I now consider to be a fear of flying curing epiphany. I started to think about what I would have to be doing if I were actually at home over the weekend, instead of being away. I thought about the end of season basketball party that I would have to have gone to and make forced conversation while eating bad pizza; the sleepover my daughter was having which would have banned me from MY living room and watching MY shows on our one good TV; the never ending chore list on the fridge, which is never ending because I don’t do any of it, but seeing it is like having a giant continuous nag living with me. No, I will not make that wife joke, thank you.
And so sudenly at 40,000 feet (no shudder) I stopped panicking and started getting aggravated at what I would have had to do if I werren’t flying away from that madness. My aggravation turned to anger over my lot in life. And that anger soon turned into gratitude that I didn’t have to have my “normal” weekend where I count the seconds till Monday. And that gratitude told my fear to take a hike. And…it WORKED! My fear was gone. Replaced with a happiness and calmness I hadn’t felt in a long time. So basically the aggravation over my weekend life trumped and annihilated my fear. No more fear. I now can’t wait to fly again. As long as it’s not flying home. That’s double bad. So without my family annoying me I never would have gotten over this fear. Thank you, family. I knew some good could come from you.