Here’s a confession that won’t surprise many who know me. I wasn’t the greatest student in school. I was failry smart, just (even by my standards) ridiculously lazy. I remember this one time. I think I was in seventh grade and I had to do this HUGE science project. It was due the next day and I hadn’t started yet at 8:00 at night. But I wasn’t worried. I should have been, but I wasn’t smart enough to worry back then. Now I’m genius at worrying.
Anyway, at 8:36 I came up with the idea! I’ll do a project on the moon. So I took a soccer ball and glued it to a piece of wood I found in the garage. Done! And just in time to watch “That’s Life!” If you know that show, you’re old. My brother came down into the basement where I just finished my masterpiece and asked, “WTF is that?!” When I told him, my brother, who hated me 99% of the time, actually looked worried for me and said there’s no way he was going to let me hand that in. I would get an “F” and the parents would find out and my life would be over. An “F”? I couldn’t believe it. He spent the next two hours fixing it, to make it look sort of like someone had put effort into it. I got a “D.” But not an “F,” which meant my parents never knew how close they came to killing me.
This is a long ass story, just to make a point about how I, of all people, should never have to help my kids with their school project, but, alas, I do. Oh man, do I! And this is the very essence of how things have changed for the worse since I was a kid. My parents were so uninvolved with my schooling and my life back then. It was a thing of beauty. As long as you didn’t get an “F.” But nowadays, we’re so hyper-involved in every breath the little buggers take that it just can’t be healthy. So yes, I did my kid’s project for her the other day. I’m not proud of it. I mean I am proud of the project. Extremely proud. It shows the inner workings of an ear drum and if it doesn’t get an “A” or win the Nobel Prize I’m going to hurt someone. No, what I’m not proud of is the fact that my kid didn’t help…at all. Okay. The truth is I wouldn’t LET her help. She wanted to. But trust me, she would have messed things up. This was MY project now. If I had to analyze things it might be that I’m still trying to make up for my moon project way back when. Whatever. I don’t care. And though I don’t really have a complaint about my family here, I still blame society for turning us into “involved” parents. If I could only be like my father, then not only wouldn’t I have taken ten hours of my valuable time, but I wouldn’t have even known there was a project. And I could have gone on blissfully not involved in the slightest in my kids’ lives. I might not have even known their names. And I deserve that! So in essence it is their fault. Sorry if I rambled on a bit. But I better get an “A!