Maybe, just possibly, I’m getting crankier as I get older. I admit this. But that does not mean that people, on occasion, are not amazingly stupid! I just have no tolerance for this. And yes, of course, I do stupid things, but I get just as mad at myself as I do others. I’m fair that way. And whoever first said, “There’s no such thing as a dumb question,” is an idiot! There are millions of stupid questions asked everyday by stupid people!
Okay, I’m calmer now. What triggered this, naturally, was I was asked this particular stupid question: “Are you done, Sir?” I was at a restaurant with my wife and kids (though they were barely there). The food was really good. I was eating a large portion of chicken parmigiana with angel hair pasta loaded with pesto sauce. So good. But I felt rushed. By the waiter, the manager that circled our table several times asking “Is everything okay?” (Quick joke: Did you hear about the waiter in the Jewish restaurant who asked “Is anything okay?”), and even the busboy who was eyeing our dirty plates like a hyena waiting for a lion to walk away from a gazelle’s carcass.
Now when the waiter asked me the above-mentioned question I was raising a fork full of the pasta to mouth. I’m eating, and he asks “Are you done, Sir?” My wife saw that I was about to react in a manner that would get our entire family banned from this restaurant permanently and possibly get our picture in the local paper. My kids pleaded with their eyes for me not to embarrass them. Again. So I mustered all the restraint I had. And I lost it. I actually think the waiter peed himself. It wasn’t pretty. And I’m not proud of myself. My kids hate me more than ever because they really liked this restaurant. My wife’s not that mad. She might even think I was justified this time.
But this never would have happened if he didn’t ask such a STUPID question! So please, World, think a little before talking. No. Think a lot. Sorry. I just had to get that off my chest. And sorry, Waiter. About your pants.