No, I’m not trying to revive that great Chili’s commercial, although it was catchy. I think ‘N Sync sang it. And now I’m craving their baby back, baby back ribs. Wait. What was my point? Oh yeah. MY DAUGHTER IS GONE!!
Yup, we took her to college last weekend. And remember all my griping about her eye rolling, dismissive attitude, TV remote hogging, and general hatred of me? Well, I miss it ALL!!! I know. I’m as shocked as anyone. It’s probably like that phenomenon when a torture victim misses the torture once it stops.
It’s a weird, empty, sinking feeling in the pit of my belly. Even though we could go days without her talking to me (once it was 17 days in a row. Pretty impressive, huh?) there was some weird comfort knowing she was upstairs writing horrible, possibly criminal things about me in her diary. Once she wrote it all on her Facebook wall. You should have seen the way her friends looked at me after that one.
It’s been about a week now, and you think I might be enjoying the lack of tension that was always there. Or the absence of fear as I entered our home wondering what kind of mood my lovely girl was going to be in that day: She Beast or Queen She Beast. And you know what? Things are calmer, quieter. Which I realize translates into boring. Yup. I miss her.
The other day she called. It was great to hear her voice. For about a second. Then she annoyed me like never before. Complaining to me about things she was supposed to do before she arrived at college. Somehow this was all my fault. And suddenly all my angst, fear, trepidation and longing to not be here flooded back like a Tsunami.
And in that instant I realized, she’s not really gone. She’ll never be really gone. And that thought comforted me in some sick way. As well as frightened me beyond belief.